Thanksgiving Recap.....

So Thanksgiving was yesterday and I had a blast! (besides my boyfriend that couldn't come and that my phone stopped working lol) I woke up yesterday pumped and ready to eat that I barely ate til I got to my grannies house. I enjoyed hanging with one of my caregivers until I left and she is crazy as ever but I love her. lol I got to wear my new outfit that I bought the day before when I went Christmas shopping. I love my family so much that I love how concerned and protective they are over me now and likes to look after me. Because since I can't get inside my grannies house (and it is a 3 story house) my uncle brought the big screen TV into the garage so we could watch movies in there. I thought that was so convenient for me that it made the night even better! (at least I thought so) I stuffed myself and took pictures and got to meet family members that I didn't even know about. The only downside to all of this was that my phone died that day.....I called and I'm getting a replacement! yaaaay me! lol But all in all Thanksgiving was great minus the few set backs but still a great day! :)
~K to the E to the SHA!~ 

Love

So what is love?? I thought it would be a relationship between two people that love each other and can't get enough of each other also. Well I don't really know what it could be either but I'm figuring it out. Don't get me wrong I love my boyfriend to death but how do I know if he really loves me as much as I love him back? He doesn't probably notice it right now but I'm kinda pissed at him for getting my hopes up of us spending Thanksgiving together. I'm not that upset anymore because it makes me think "maybe this is a sign that either I'm moving too fast or that he's not the right one to be meeting my family" so it's not a big deal to me anymore but I'm hoping he'll change his mind and we'll work something out. In the past 3 to 4 years now I've been in and out of relationships and I feel like settling down because hooking up and fooling around ain't my thing. lol But I've always been that way since I don't really want to start over in a relationship and go through all the hardships once again. So I've said that if me and my boyfriend don't work out now then after this one I'm going to lay low for awhile. So this whole love thing continues because we all find it someway or another.....
~K to the E to the SHA!~

Friends

Friends.....how many of us have them?? Yeah I quoted from a song. hahaha! Well I have a few that I can call good friends to me. I have my best friend Carly who is attending IU Bloomington for college. (I can't remember what for....lol but anywhoo) We have been friends since 6th grade and she has been there for me from all the frustration, the many nights of crying and hardships, and my complaints. We have only had one tiff between us but that only lasted 30 minutes and we now understand each other. I love her and her positive and honest attitude and I wouldn't be the same without her. I definitely can't wait til she comes back home on break. Then their is my other friends that categorize as: camp friends, close friends, and friends but we don't hang out as much anymore since high school. lol  I love all of my friends and they all mean something to me in a way. I would like to see some of them more but hey we all wish that. If your on that list with me then show some love!! lol 

~K to the E to the SHA!~ :)

The Life That I Used To Know....

As I go back to think before the 3 months that have passed since I haven't been on here, I can't believe how much has changed.... I have learned that you CAN NOT trust just anybody! And I have that problem big time. I get so comfortable with someone, thinking that they are cool, down to earth, and has a big heart. But they go and fuck me over. (pardon my French lol) Before this person came into my life I used to be happy, carefree, and very loving.....now I just turn into a total bitch sometimes. And I was never that bad. I have constantly been having to look over my shoulder, sacrifice my happiness just because of some else's attitude, and keeping a close tight lip. Now that THAT definitely ain't me. I speak my mind and my feelings and when stuff ain't right I tell them! I have to say that the outcome of it all has had some good times too....me and my one friend (that I know that I have mentioned many of times lol) we are friends again, I'm in college now and I'm loving it! (and I'll definitely love it next year when I live on campus) I have met some fun friends but none of them compare to my close one's yet. hehe! I keep thinking to myself.....If I hadn't of gotten through this challenge then I would have never felt like I could rule! But then again I've always said that if you mess with the Jones/Robinson family then you'll wish that you NEVER EVER mess with us again lol. I am grateful of all the people that have stood by me in the long run....like my bf, family, and the friends that came and stay. (and the old lol) So like I said as I go back and reflect over the course that I've been out of remission..... The life that I used to know.....has gotten better! :)
Check me later! 
~K to the E to the SHA!~

June 24, 2011

I can't say that I have anything to really complain about right now becuase everything seems to be falling into place.... I'm finally getting on track for school. I finally got the situation figured out with the worker that was working here. I get to do a lot of fun things next month. (like going to Indiana beach and possibly Florida and Tennesse!!) The rollercoaster ride has (not completly) died down so I can finally enjoy my life! I got to go to one of my friend's graduation party today and it was good and she's going to be living right acroos the street from the dorms that I will be staying in so we are going to have soooo much fun this fall. lol I've been hyper most of the day because I got a Moutain Dew, then after the party I went to McDonald's and got a McCafe, and one of my caregivers bought chips ahoy for me! So yeah nothing but sugar for me all day and I haven't stopped yet. hahahahahahaHAHAHA!!!! I get to take my test next Friday for school so I can get a certain math class then I'll get to sign up for classes after that. I'm sooo happy that next month might just go fast and I don't want that yet. But anyhooo.... I'm still kinda down because me and my one friend still haven't talked and I'm willing to work this out cuz losing friends sucks but she's on doing her thing and I don't feel like bothering her so I might just have to keep moving til she finally gets time again.... OH WELL! Gotta go though so I can TRY to get this hyper outta me!! But we'll see how that goes lol check me laterz! :)
~Ke$ha~


Oh and P.S Ryan Dunn passed this week and I'm still kind of mourning over his loss because he was a great man and died at a young age and he will be dearly missed..... a "Jackass Legand" for life!! We love you and will be with us forever!! Pray for Bam Margera cuz that was a bro to him and I heard that he was taking it pretty hard.... R.I.P Ryan

June 13, 2011

Gosh..... I feel like the summer has gone by a little too fast already. lol Its already the middle of June and I still got things to do and people to see before they leave off again. I'm finally getting things straighten out but I've been a nervous wreck becuase my bf's mom is still in the hospital and until she is stable enough to leave then she can finally head to Florida to get the cancer treatment. I haven't talked to my bf in 3 days now and I'm worried as ever because I usually would have heard something by now. But I'm trying to be strong and I keep telling myself that everything will be ok. So there is something I want to confess and it has to deal with one of my best friends.... I miss talking to her and texting her.... we would be up at 1 or 2 in the morning talking to each other and I miss that because whenever something is bothering me or I just can't sleep I can always talk to her. But we are in the middle of a fight and I have a feeling she doesn't want to talk to me anymore.... but I'm fine wheather this person wants to or not. So if you read this then I'm sorry and  think we should just drop this whole thing and get back to how things were before. But anywhoo these next couple weeks are going to be crazy! I'm hanging with one of my best friends this week and next week I'm going to a birthday party at Bandito's and then I got an open house next friday. I have been trying to get a day to go visit down at camp but I haven't heard anything back from anybody saying I could but I'm still going to have a blast this summer. I'm heading to Chicago and other towns in Indiana and hopefully to the Warp Tour concert!! Well I should get back to work and keep my bf's mom in your prayers....thanks!! :)
~Ke$ha~

June 9, 2011

OMG this week couldn't get any better or crazier! lol I found out some stupid stuff that has changed with my company. I want to write up a letter letting them know where they can stick it because their rules are getting ridiculous! If it's not one thing it's the other. I was happy that I was able to hang with my bf for his birthday before the stupid rules. We had a lot of fun together. I got to talk to my best friend that's back from college and I can't wait to hang with her! I feel like I haven't gotten a chance to either talk or even hang with my friends lately and I'm soooo ready for this summer now! The heat has been overbearring for other people but I loooovvee it!! lol I think I finally got my school situation figured out except the fact of me living in a dorm..... I really want to be in one but I don't know how my mom is going to go through with it because she feels like that if something happens then it would be easier if I just stay here, but I'm going to work towards the dorm feature wheather she likes it or not! Well not much other interesting things have happen lately other then I need prayers for my bf's mom..... we just found out that she has cancer and even though they found the best doctor to take care of it we still need the prayers. She will be going to Florida to get treatment and James and Johnny will be staying here working to help out. So keep them in your prayers if you please can. Well gotta go so I can work on more school stuff!! Check me laterz! :)
~Ke$ha~

May 31, 2011

Well I had one hellacious week last week. I had to deal with stupid drama from a worker and I wanted to just snap on her sooooo bad but I bit my tongue to hold back, because if I didn't then I would have hurt their feelings even more. It didn't help that I didn't get into IPFW but they gave me the other option of going to Ivy Tech. (which I've already applied to before) So I went to go see if I could get started back over there again. I talked to an advisor over there and I have to take a part of the test that I didn't pass before, and once I do that then I can start signing up for classes. And I can still live in the dorms at IPFW because Ivy Tech and IPFW are conneted now. So YAAAY ME!! lol I'm trying to stay focused on this school stuff but with the stupid stuff thats been going on its been kinda difficult. Now I'm hearing that they are going to cut more hours from me which is going to be disaterous, because if I'm starting school in the fall then I'm going to need more hours. Then I talked to my company's supervisor and told her all the problems I was having and I don't know where that even got me because she really didn't give me any solutions.... This week has started off better and the one worker thats giving me hell isn't really talking to me or anyone that much anymore and quite frankly I don't really care, because if she doesn't like it then she can leave. And I have a job now and love it!! So I gotta go so I can go work on it so check me later!!
~Ke$ha~ :)

April 22, 2011

OMG it has been forever since I have been on here and soooo much has happened but I'm just going to tell little bits of things. Well at this moment and counting I have been waiting for my acceptance letter for school but I'm hopeful of it because the lady there told me that it was just being reviewed and everything looked good. I'm tooo excited about this that all I do is wait by the mailbox! lol I have been having trouble with a certain someone that works for my company and I don't know what to do at this point because she is nice but I can't keep working with her with the attitude she brings and I have to keep changing my attitude even when I'm completly happy and fine.... So anywho the situation between me and friend has not gotten any better and I think it's completly over because I don't see any improvments or changes. So I'm just moving on from it because it's not like I can't find any more friends. Then I'm planning on getting a new phone and I definitely can't wait! Along with that I have gotten a job and I can't wait to start that!! But that's just a jist of some things that have been going on and I'm ready for this summer because I'm visiting camp, taking a roadtrip to Chicago (possibly) and my dad and his family is coming up to visit too!! So a lot to look forward to this summer.... but gotta go because there is a tornado warning coming and got to get off the computer! Check me laterz!!
~Ke$ha~ :)

May 6, 2011

I keep wanting to write April instead of May! lol So my struggles that I have been having are starting to get a little better.... Me and my mom are working on this letter telling the reasons why I need more funding and hours, and so far I think it's looking good. Even though I don't really know the outcome of the whole school situation I'm still pursuing in trying to go. I went out to the school yesterday to drop off the things that they still needed and I just need to hear back from them now. I'm enjoying what I can do for now and knowing this is going to get taken care of. I told all of this to my boyfriend and to my surprise instead of ignoring the fact or not try to think of a better solution; he was there for me and everything. He was coming up with different ways to help me out and giving me suggestions on what my mom could do. Now if this was my 1st ex he would have made a joke about it and said "we could just get a house together." That's exactly why I love James because I'm sure no other guy would have been that supportive like that....they probably would have just left me because of the drama. But anywho I'm sooooo excited for this summer even though I don't have much going on other then going to the lake with my friends! (and possibly boyfriend!) I'm soooo ready for the warm weather and sunny skies. I'm going to the doctor today to get a check up and get stuff filled out for school. Things are looking up and I'm lovin it!! Well gotta go check me laters!
~Ke$ha~ :)

May 4, 2011

So I had an annual meeting last night....a meeting I have every year concerning any new changes or goals that I have. And this involves my case manager, caregivers that work here at my house, and their supervisor and head supervisor, and my case manager asked if I had any new goals and I told him that I was going to start school in the fall....and they asked me what have I done so far and I told them what I did so far. So they asked me what I would need and I told them that my care services would have to change to at least 24 hour care.....well apparently my funding and the government won't cover that (even tho its in my plan and the law stating that if any reason at all and I need it that I get 24 hour care...for the simple fact that if I ever started school) and now the head supervisor of my house tried to get me to go to a group home instead where I would have a roomate and all. But I told them that I DID NOT want to do that because I could be stuck with people I wouldn't like and the fact that I not only I would have a roommate but I wouldn't really have a room of my own because there will be at least 3 or 4 other people living there, and I want to experience the college life on campus!! But it didn't seem like they really cared what I said because they were pushing the group home option more then anything else. So the supervisor was explaining what they do there and the living situation and how nice the apartments are to me and my mom but my mom (and me) already know what really goes on down over there. (plus thats where my cousin Marcus is at too and it even worth it) But anywhoo I told them that I would check it out (even tho I already know my answer on it) but living in the dorms at IPFW is looking like not an option at this point now and of course I'm not to happy about that because it would be easier and get the experience I need to become independant. and now it looks like because of budget cuts that they will be cutting some of my services hours also, and now they are telling me that (even though its my car and have insurence and everything on it) that I can't transport my friends (even if they are over 18) in the car with me. Now I can understand if it was their van that I was using, and I already know that niether friends or even family are not supposed to ride in that van; but my friends in my OWN CAR!! thats just ridiculous!! So we're trying to get that fixed. (if possible) but they were just telling us a whole bunch of bullcrap that it left me wondering where does this stand on my school status because I plan on going in the fall weather or not I'm in a dorm.....and I don't know if I can still even go if they will be cutting more of my hours. So me and my mom are trying to figure out what to do next or what can we do..... oh and not to forget I can't even get a house on my own and live in it myself. I don't really understand people or the world to know what to do and I'll need any help I could get. So if your willing to help out let me know!! This crap has been going on for too long and it's time for a change! I greatly appreciate you all for thinking of me!! I know there will be a change.....
~Ke$ha~ :)

April 1, 2011

So I have been on a rollercoaster the past few days and I needed to recouperate for awhile. I got my housing for school the other day and that was an exciting day altogether because it makes me realize that I'll be starting school soon! I showed my mom and she didn't say anything about it other then saying...."if you just want to live in a dorm then why don't you just sign up for section 8??" I was like "why would I sign up for that when I'll be in a dorm for at least a good three years before actually getting my own place?!?" So I was kind of upset about that because I really want to live on campus because it would be a lot easier then driving back and forth to classes. (especially with how high the gas is going up) I let it go and I said that I was just going to have to hash it out with her later. And so I did just that on Friday and it left me feeling not going to school anymore and just giving up.....but I'm not!! Despite of all that my mom said and her feelings towards all of this I'm going to prove her wrong and rise to the top!! With the help I do get from my friends and other people that really believe in me. I'm soooo sick of fighting this with my mom and if she can't believe and help out then I will not just tell her anything anymore since she can't appreciate it. And after what happened yesterday I don't want to quit fighting this because there are going to be hard time but you have to overcome them, and I plan on doing just that with this situation! I hope my mom finally comes around and realize that I'm not fantizing about my dream and that it's all real! If me putting all my hard work into everything I do is fake then I wonder what's real to her?? I don't know but I'm not going to stop believing in myself and keep having faith!! Well I'll update later when I make more progress this week on this. Prayers needed!! (and not for just me either!!)
~Ke$ha~ :)

April 28, 2011

This week has been crazy but exciting at the same time! I got my tooth pulled Tuesday and I was nervous and scared to death about it because I've never had a tooth pulled. (at least not by a dentist) It wasn't even that bad.... My mouth was numb and they gave me laughing gas, so I didn't even really feel anything. I looked and talked funny though. The only thing I didn't like about it was the food I couldn't eat. I didn't even eat before the appointment and I was already starving so it really sucked for me. But I couldn't take it anymore so I ate some things I wasn't supposed to eat but I was careful with it. My boyfriend didn't like that I did that and I told him that I wouldn't do again....until this weekend. lol Anywhoo I have been working my butt off for this college crap and my Voc Rehab is being a douche!! I've called TWICE and not a call back yet!! uggghhh dumb people! But just today (when I was doing hard work trying to check my status or reapply for school again) I got my housing application!! I was soooo excited to see that because I have been wondering about it and now I just got to fill it out and hope for the best!! I'm so ready to start college that all I have been thinking about is planning it. Then this weekend (since I'm not hanging with my friend) I'm hitting up the town and going everywhere....like shopping and we might be having a pizza party, checking out different stores that I haven't been to, since it isn't my car I'm going to run it up!! lol Well gotta get back to planning and organizing! Check me later!!
~Ke$ha~ :)

April 25, 2011 Easter Recovery!!

Well this weekend was uber awesome!!! First off my stepdad got to come home on Easter....(of course we were excited about that!) All I did before the big day was clean and stress thinking that my room was a mess!! lol I finally got it straight and good enough. I finally got me a slushiee and sun chips on Saturday because I have been craving a slushiee and when I saw sun chips I had to have it. (and I needed some hide away snacks anyways) It was sooo nice outside Saturday that I enjoyed it more when I got home. We all pretty much stayed up late on Saturday until at least 11. It was hectic around here.... I thought I had a lot to do but since my stepdad wasn't coming until 12 Sunday my mom was running around everywhere. So finally we get to the big day and I didn't want to get up. I finally start getting ready around 1ish and I wasn't all the way done yet but I was waiting on my caregiver to get in so I could finish up. People were coming and I still had to do my hair and fix my dress because it wasn't fitting around me right. I finally finished up and when I came out everyone was shocked to see me in a dress. (like I expected or it could have been that I wasn't in my bed and out of my room this time) I saw everyone and talked to them and then I started to realize why I really came out there for....FOOD!!! lol So as soon as everyone got there we said grace and ate like there was no tomorrow! lol I stuffed my face and I was loving all the food. Got my dessert before it was all gone. The Easter egg hunt was crazy and muddy! I got my chair soooooo muddy I was afraid to go in the house! hahaha! But I finally went in the house because I was cold and people were getting attitudes so I went in and watched tv in my room. It was still crowded in the house so that was the other reason for going in my room. Well anyhoo the day went on as people kinda left I was so ready for people to leave that it wasn't even funny!! They didn't leave til 11 and I was sooooo frickin tired! So when they left it was hit the sheets after that. I was out like no other. Oh and I had accidentely drank a pop that had Hennessy in it! I didn't mean to drink it but it was on my dresser with all the other pops and I was trying to get rid of trash in my room and I didn't know what it was. lol Well I'm kinda lagging today but I got to get a hold of everything again. Meaning I got to get back to work on school stuff again. So check me laters!!
~Ke$ha~ :)

April 22, 2011

Day 3 of stepdad gone.... I pretty much slept all day which I have no idea why because I went to sleep at a decent time last night and it was great. lol I woke up and realized that one of my caretakers were here and I was really shocked to see what time it was when I woke up.... 12:30 in the frickin afternoon!!! I've never really slept that long but then again I haven't been feeling well anyway. But that all changed later on. I finally got everything out and I feel like a whole weight has been lifted off of me! I can finally eat again and my stomach wasn't turning food anymore and the weird taste that has been in my mouth has finally gone away.... My grannie watched us while my mom was at work and we all got spoiled but I was spoiled the most. lol I got Nutter Butters and lunch was awesome! I love my grannie and she's the best! I wouldn't trade her for the world!! Since I slept most of the day I didn't do much other then getting ready for Easter Sunday. Still excited about that except the fact that it's supposed to be chilly and possibly raining....booooooo lol Anywhoo going to go do some more cleaning. Check me later!! :)
~Ke$ha~

April 21, 2011

Day 2 of my stepdad gone.... Finally got my chair fixed!! (at least partially done lol) It still needs some work done but it's good to roll in and my footrest can now elevate again! :) My mom got them to look at my bed because it needs some work too and the company is on it! (bout dang time too! lol) I got a special lunch made by one of my caretakers and it was awesome! I love her and her cooking's. So I spent the day with her and my other caretaker and we just enjoyed our time together.... But while I was taking a shower my next door neighbor came over to alter my dress for Easter!! She is best neighbor I could have. She looks after me and gives me valuable things that I have kept forever. Like these pair of diamond earrings!! I have worn them once but that was in my pre stage of earring wearing and they were hurting my ears. lol I think I'll wear them this Sunday too. Well anyhoo she fixed my dress so that it wasn't soooo big on me because if I stood up it would totally fall right off. I'm so ready for this weekend so I can party with my family! The kids don't have school tomorrow so instead of me watching the kids (because my mom was going to let me) my grannie is doing it instead. I was happy about that because I have been wanting to talk to her.... I really want some banana pudding!! lol Plus I might try to go out to find a multi necklace to go with my dress but it might be crappy outside tomorrow so I might not go. But well see.... Well I'm going to go enjoy my snacks and get ready for this weekend (meaning cleaning my room lol) But remember to keep my bestie and my boyfriends mom in your prayers!! (and me and my family) And by the way I really like this color of typing so I might keep it. lol 
Life's A Journey, So Enjoy It!!
~Ke$ha~

April 20, 2011

So today is the first day of my stepdad going to Louisiana to go to his father's funeral. We have to do Easter without him...and this house is going to be packed!! lol I know we will do fine because we still have my uncle to cook too. I'm totally excited for this weekend becauae I get to wear my new dress I got for this special occasion. Then it looks like I'm going to a birthday party at Chuck 'e' Cheese....oh gosh I haven't been there since I was 11!! lol But I guess it won't be too bad even though it's with a bunch of teenagers I don't really know. Busy week ahead I guess I can say. I have felt like crap today and I hope I feel better by tomorrow because I finally get my chair fixed!! YAY ME!!! lol My chair needs it bad too. Well I better get some sleep but I have two prayer request and it goes out to my boyfriends mom...she has been sick for the past 6 weeks and the doctors finally told her what was wrong and we hope the antibiotics work. And the second prayer is for my bestie who is still sick and needs some encouragment. I love her too much to lose her. So think of them. So goodnight all!! :)
~Ke$ha~

April 19, 2011

So I got to go to IPFW on Sunday and I loved it there!! I definitely am ready to start my college life there....forget Ball State (I mean not entirely) I'll still go there later on down the road but I've had it with stupid drama and bougie friends!! If I'm the cause of your problems (when I have problems too) then I don't need this!! Now since this whole fighting thing between me and my friend is going on I could really bash her out more but I'm better then that. Now the old me would have but like I said I can't deal with stupid petty ass drama!! So to make a new start has to come with better friends....at least the ones that are real. Fake friends get you nowhere and I see that more clearly now.... I'm just going to focus on working my butt off to get into school!! And I have been doing great so far. I love where my life is going at this point and if it means losing someone near and dear to you then so be it.... I'm off to set the world. lol :)
~Ke$ha~

April 17, 2011

Ok so I just realized a comment made by my so called friend, and apparently I need to blog about other stuff and I'm childish!! Well in case she hasn't notice but this is a blogging site and I can say whatever the hell I want to talk about and I don't see how I'm childish when at least I would TALK to the dude I was crushing about instead of blogging about the freaking feelings I have for him!! (and you wonder how it was so obvious for him to figure out that you liked him) hahaha this goes to show that some friends aren't any better then yourself. I'm not saying I'm perfect or any better but come on can you blame me for being a little pissed for not having a set day to hang out with your best friend?? Anyhooo I'm done with the drama and I'm moving on....so if you see this (so called friend) now you know how I feel and I'm done dealing with your drama and you can go live your life as I'm gonna live mine!! And I could have been down there but I guess the meaning of "help" doesn't mean anything.... On a better note I am finally getting my college life back in order!! YAAAAY ME! lol I went on a college tour at IPFW today and I loved it!!! I can't wait to start! I love the dorms also! :) Well now that I'm on a good start I'm ready for my fresh start! Now off to bed I go for another productive week!! NIGHT!!
~Ke$ha~

April 14, 2011

Well the feud between me and my best friend has died down some. We were aruging last night til 2 in the morning, but I'm still pissed and wondering if I should even still go down there....and the one staff I was talking about before has been more annoying it seems. She really annoyed me this morning when she kept saying "in Jesus name" the whole time she was here!! I mean seriously if it's that bad here that we are annoying you then leave! This is getting ridiculous and stupid! Yes I know me and my mom are persistant and a hard case on some things but that's because we have to, to keep things in order around here. I have to be able to prove that I can handle things on my own to get out of this place and if your holding me back because of your frickin attitude and stupidness then you got to go! PLAIN & SIMPLE!! I'm not dealing with nobody's bullcrap anymore and I'm moving on to acheive what I got to do!! Well I'm going to go enjoy another beautiful day before anybody else ruin it but even that I'm not even going to let that wreck my spirit! lol Check me later!! :)
~Ke$ha~

April 13, 2011

So I'm fed up with people's crap today!! First off me and my (supposily best friend) were supposed to hang out at the end of this month and I was all excited about that. So the thing with this is that I do have a van and all but my mom doesn't want me taking it out of town because we don't know if we can rely on it making it that far. So one of my caretakers has to request their company van for me to use it and its got to be 2 weeks in advanced. So we requested the van and we were all set..... I told my friend that I was set to come down there and what does she tell me?? Since it's the last weekend there or something her and her friends might be doing something. Pretty much saying that their might be going on a lot that day.... When she told me this I got really pissed off because a) this is the second frickin time she has done this and b) I went through all that trouble to get the van requested (especially when it belongs to someone else and they could use it that day) and she lets me down once again!! Ok I know that this may be stupid to be fighting over but I'm getting tired of people letting me down! I've dealt with shit like that before and it just comes down to me not really talking to you or even associate with you because I can't really rely on you!! I mean to have this happen again is ridiculous! So pretty much at this point I'm saying if she really wants to hang then it might have to take some good convincing because I'm going to go "do me" and live my life and enjoy it too. I try to keep an open schedule in case she ever wants to hang out but now forget it! I'm just going to stay busy from now on....especially since I'll be starting school soon. Now the second part of me being pissed off is my staff....well just one in particular. So apparentally they are dropping one of my staff's that come in on Monday's, Wednesday's, and Friday's, and they want to put this other person in that is already here with me 7 days out of the week! But the only days she could do it though was Tuesday's and Thursday's. When me and my mom set it up we had it set in stones (and yes I did use that phrase lol) the days be Monday's Wednesday's, and Friday's. We didn't want no changes whatsoever!! So since then we told the one staff that we weren't going to change it and to get another staff in here to do those days we requested. So that one staff has been having an attitude since then and it's pissing me the hell off because I feel like I can't talk around her without getting some kind of look or her saying that I'm the one that has the attitude! But whatever!! I was having a great day until stuff like this happens.... The weather is great and the sun was shining and I was enjoying being outside with less clothes. lol I hope things shape up around here because if not I might become a bitch for awhile. I hate to say that but I can be one. Well I'm going to go talk to my babe to see if he can cheer me up because he always can even when he doesn't know what's up. lol I love him for that!! oh and P.S he's counting down til he can finally kiss me on the lips and I can't wait for that!!! Peace! :)
~Ke$ha~

April 12, 2011

I had fun on Sunday..... Me and Whitney took the kids to the park. Where I got hit on from a 13 year old!! I swear this happens a lot and I don't know why because I definitely don't like or date anyone who's younger then me.... Gosh I didn't know I was that hot! lol (even though I thought I didn't look that good lol) I'm not taking them again unless it's just with Nina or my parents come because the other two got on my nerves. lol Anywhoo it was sooooo nice and hot out that I stayed out after we got back from the park. Me and the kids were playing around in the street and it was fun and I got to talk to a girl that used to be my best friend but we grew apart I guess.... (and we live right across from each other!!) So my weekend was really great! The only problem I had yesterday was that it was soooooo freakin hot in my room the night before that I didn't go to sleep at all!! So yeah I pretty much almost slept the whole day. Yesterday was great til I watched wrestling..... My favorite "Rated R Superstar" retired due to his losing of strength and feeling in his arms. I was soooo sad when I heard this. And he will definitely live on through all of the other superstar.... I'm really glad I got the chance to see him live when I went to the match with my sis/best friend Tia, and I got his "Rated R Superstar" chain and I will be the "Rated R Diva Superstar." lol Then not long later my other best friend was texting me because apparently her friends were mad at her becuase of something  they found out about her....and all I could do is pray about it because in my opinion she already knows how I feel about her doing this and it can't keep happening because I had another friend who did this to herself and it got so bad that me and my friend had to get her help and she got  therapy for all of this. But I have to come out and say that I have done this too but I quit because I have people (especially my mom) who look at my body and they would notice them quickly and second of all it does make you feel like your releaving things but it's not healthy and it's not really helping anything because the pain is still there later.... I can't express enough how I feel on this subject it's wasteless, stupid, ignorant, cowardly, and heartless. I don't need to feel that pain anymore and luckly I've found better ways to deal with it. It's crazy because when I talked to James last night we were talking and his family is supposed to leave sometime but don't know when yet and he's hoping that they don't move, (especially me) and I told him that I hope that he doesn't move either. And he was like "yea you wouldn't know what to do with yourself would you?" and I told him that I wouldn't.... It's crazy how we got this far and I have to admit but it's true I wouldn't know what to do without him, because all my other friends are gone off to college at this point. James has been great to me not just on a boyfriend level but evan as a friend. He was there to back me up and help me when I was getting ready to go into depression when my first ex was harassing me and cussing me out, and me and James weren't even together then. I mean that made me like James even more because I felt like he could be there for me through anything and he's just been so great for me. Like he's actually supportive of me going to school (even if it's farther away) and pushing me to go. When I was with my first ex he didn't really think I should go to Ball State or any college farther away from where I lived. Even when I was still in school I couldn't hardly do my homework or concentrate on my work because he was constantly bugging me even when I told him that I would call him back later when I was done with everything. I mean I finally had a cell phone and he had one too so it's not like I couldn't call him later because he was out of school then and I had my own phone so I could call whenever.....but aywhoo all I can say is that James is part of the reason I keep myself going on things and I wouldn't want to lose him. Speaking of college I get to go on a college tour this weekend at IPFW with my mom and it should be fun. That place has grew to a huge campus now I don't know what I'll see. lol Like I've said before I pray and hope that everything goes alright with this school so I can finally get my dream school!! On another plus size I'll be closer to James too since I'll be living on campus!! lol Well I better end this because my friend says I write too much and never have time to read these because their soooo long. lol But I hope she reads this one because she needs to know there is more to life then stupid little things that could affect other people in your life especially when they really care for them. Lovin the weather and I'm gonna enjoy it! :)
~Ke$ha~

April 10, 2011

So yesterday was really awesome!! I had sooooooo much fun! Harry Potter wasn't too bad I guess I got to see the second one to know how it all ends.... What was really funny was that I needed to put gas in my van and I took $20 bucks out of my account for gas and for movie tickets. We get to the gas station and Kari gave James the $20 and told him to put $10 in for the van and when he was done Kari asked him where was the change and he was like what?? We were all cracking up and he was wondering why and Kari was like "you were only supposed to put $10 in because the rest was for the movie tickets" and James said that Johnny had money that he could buy my ticket. But it was funny seeing his face all confused and everything. lol The movie was forever long but good like I said and we went to Rally's afterward and I had to get my wings because I don't really like anything else from there and they were DA BOMB!!! lol Dropped them off at home and I went home to eat then as soon as I was done I was out the door again to go check out this store called "Marshall's" that everybody was talking about.... It was ok kinda pricey on some things but I did find me some Hello Kitty pj's. lol Which by the way I'm a HUGE HUGE HUGE huge HUGE Hello Kitty fan!! But I said I would have to wait til I got some more money and come back to get it. Then I went to "Rainbow" and "Shoe Show." I had fun hanging with Whitney and to top it all off it was beautiful and nice outside! I was lovin it!! It's nice out today and I'm going to go out and enjoy it.....especially with this new outfit I bought from "Rainbow." I love the outfit and the shirt I got I have been looking for something like it forever!! lol Well I should go and enjoy this weather while it last.....and still keep my friend in your prayers!! Enjoy this beautiful Sunday!! :)
~Ke$ha~

April 8, 2011

Trying a new font. lol I'm still sleeping through the day.... I really don't know what is going on with me. I slept til 12 pretty much when I only wanted to take a nap earlier. I feel fine when I finally do wake up. lol I just realized something too....that its the weekend!! Which means that tomorrow I get to see James!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! We're going to go see "Harry Potter Part 1!" I'm not that into Harry Potter anymore but I'll still watch the movies. If you can't tell I'm really excited!! lol This weekend is going to be great especially since it will be warm also! I'll be out this whole weekend I think. Well I should get some sleep for a big weekend!! And remember to keep my bestie in your prayers!! :)

April 7, 2011

Ok either something is wrong with me or I'm not getting enough sleep! I have been really tired these past 2 days.... I have been sleeping but I keep waking up early in the morning for no reason. I do sometimes wake up when I'm hot but I haven't really been hot!! So this has been causing me to sleep during the day when I don't want to.... I drunk coffee yesterday because I thought it might work and I never got anything out of it at all yesterday. Today I was only supposed to take a nap since I woke up at 3 in the morning but when I went to sleep I woke up at 11!! I don't really know what's going on here but hopefully it's nothing. I'm too excited for this weekend!!! I love weekends even though I'm not even in school I love weekends because I feel like I got more time then. lol This week isn't even over yet and I feel like soooo much has happened. I talked to my dad yesterday and I found out that my aunt that lives here had went down to Tennessee to visit with them!! I was like "where was I at when this was being discussed?!?!" She told me that she needed a vacation and I was thinking "well I surely need one too!!" lol Hopefully I will get to go down there sometime soon so I can see what it's like there. I haven't been down south in awhile. I was hoping I could do it this summer since I'm not going to camp this year but I don't know how my mom is going to take it and I don't know if everything will really work out. I'm just really excited and ready for the summer! I got stuff I need to be planning because my summer is wide open for options!! lol The kids are back and so far they haven't bugged me too much but I'm ready for them to go back to school.....(except my lil girl Nina she's the nicer one of the three lol) Well need to go do some stuff so I don't look so bored lol and remember to keep my bestie in your prayers!! :)

April 5, 2011

I love my life and the people that are in it!! I talked to my bestie and I know I haven't said anything about her because I get too emotional about her.... She has M.S and it has been getting worse for her. For the past three years she has been struggling bad with it and after all the hard work she wants to give up now. She told me that she's tired all the time and just don't feel like fighting it anymore. So when we were texting yesterday I was sooo sad because I don't want to lose her. I don't know what I would do with out her because she is apart of me and Caitlin's triangle.... So losing her would be a tragic and I've been praying for a miracle because when she said that she was dying I didn't know what to say. I told her to never give up and that she will always be in my prayers. So if you're seeing this please pray for her to because we can't lose a girl like her!!! Other then a little sad moment in the day me and James are going to go see Harry Potter this weekend!! I can't wait!!! :) I don't know about you but I'm ready for warm weather and it is supposed to get warm this weekend too!! WOOOHOOOO!!!! lol P.S the kids come back tomorrow!! OH MAN!!

April 4th, 2011

Blah Blah Blah....lol watched movies and chilled. Wrestling was awesome last night but I fell asleep towards the end and I really wanted to watch "Tough Enough" because Stone Cold Steve Austin is the host/trainer. (along with my other favorite wrestlers) I have come to a conclusion that Steve Austin is my legend idol!! I like my main wrestlers like John Cena, Triple H, Ric Flair, and Kofi Kingston but Stone Cold Steve Austin is my ultimate idol! :) And now Shawn Micheals is newest "Hall Of Famer!!" That was awesome to see. My little sistter called me too....I know they miss me otherwise they wouldn't have called me. lol But I have to say I kinda miss them too but not as much because I love having the house to myself!! Going to plan a movie date with James and it is going to be awesome! I definitely can't wait! Wow I've been in a good mood all day and I'm lovin it! :) Oh and this week it's all about college....so I pray that all goes well with IPFW.

"Kissed Your Kiss Away...."

So I know we have those times where we get bored and start to write poems, or doodle, or just curl up and read a book. Well I do all of those things. lol But for now here is a poem (that can turn into a song) that I know....
                                         "Kissed Your Kiss Away...."


Thought I Kissed You Kiss Away....
Thought I Loved Your Love Today....
See The Things You See My Way....
I Thought I Kissed Your Kiss Away....


Said Some Things I Shouldn't Say,
Needed Your Need To Stay....
See The Things You See My Way...
Did I Kiss Your Kiss Away?
I Can't Help But Think When You're
Away From Me, You Are My
Meant-To-Be....


I Thought I Kiss Your Kiss Away....
Thought I Loved Your Love Today....
Can Only Wish, Hope, And Pray
To Never Kiss Your Kiss Away....




That is my poem/song and I hope you liked it!! :)

April 3, 2011

This day wasn't too bad. I slept in again. I kept waking up and going back to sleep. I was watching a movie at 5 in the morning and it was a movie I liked too. It had my favorite "Jackass" star...Johnny Knoxville!! lol So after that I ended up going back to sleep. When I woke up again it was almost 10 o'clock! I wasn't expecting to sleep that long. I didn't know what to really do today since the kids were leaving today to stay over at my grannies house. I am soooo excited for that!! lol But I got asked the most ramdomest question by my mom....we were talking about the pills that I'm taking and she asked me if I needed to get birth control pills!!! I was like "WTF?!?!?" I thought that was weird of my mom to ask me that, because me and James haven't even talked about any of that. Let alone to even try to actually do it!! I mean do she even trust me not to do that?? I mean I know better!! So since then I have been thinking "is this some kind of sign??" I know nothing will come of this but it's got me thinking...but anywhooo the rest of the day was just relaxing and watching movies on tv. Now that the kids are gone I get to get spoiled by my parents for a few days!! hehehe! But it feels weird without them messing with me and it was funny that my stepdad said "bedtime!!" when its just me and them here. And since I'll be home alone this week I think a party is in store...but we'll have to see. Oh and to put fun to this blog my friend Jonathan Anderson is a dork!! hahaha! And the night goes on with some zzzzz's.....night all!!

April 2, 2011

Well today wasn't as bad as I thought it would be....I did sleep in since I was up late last night. lol I didn't think I was going to go out today but I just couldn't stay in the house with the way I was feeling. I thought I could get over feeling like my boyfriend doesn't really love me or care for me like I do....I don't really know what to think and I think (and other people tell me too) that I'm just being paranoid. I try to think of ways to show him that I really care for him but I feel like everything I do never really works. But I think I'm just going to quit trying so hard and let him decide for himself. Anywhoo like I said today wasn't bad. I went to the mall just to hang out and while I was there I ran into my two best friends Paige and Suzie!! I was happy when I saw them because I haven't seen them in forever! lol Then me and Whitney just walked around the mall and went into various stores. I saw sooo many cute things that I wanted to get but I refrained myself from getting it because I wanted to save up. After just walking around for awhile we finally ended up going to Walmart after that. I needed to get some things and I pretty much got it and got out of there because I tend to see a lot of things at Walmart that I will end up getting when I don't need to. lol So when I finally got everything what does it start to do?? RAIN and it was raining good for a bit and I was like "you've got to be kidding me?!?"Luckly it stopped as soon as I got home....I got in the house and then the sun was shinning!! I can never win when it comes to the sun. lol Overall not a bad day....I was just really looking forward to The Kids Choice Awards that was on tonight! I haven't watched The Kids Choice Awards in like some years because we didn't have cable and sometimes I might get to see it over at my grannies house but I wasn't really enjoying it then. Overall review on it?? IT WAS AWESOME!!!!! And I was talking to James through half of it so that made me even more happier!! He is soooo awesome and I love our conversations even if it's not much. A start off to my weekend hasn't been bad....tomorrow is gonna be even better because the kids are staying over at my grannies house for awhile so I'll have some peace and quiet at last....Well I'm going to head off to bed....after I eat my Sherbert hahahaha!! And I'll probably watch some movies til I fall asleep because I'm too excited!! Don't know why either....probably because I'm just high on cloud 9 and don't wanna come down. lol but check me out later!

April 1, 2011 April Fool's!!!

So as you already know today is April Fool's day....I didn't think I had it in me to trick everyone so bad. lol I had this plan but I didn't know how it would blow over. I had this plan to put my relationship status on Facebook from "in a relationship" to "engaged." Now I totally forgot to tell my boyfriend last night so that he would be aware and wouldn't freak out when I did that. So I posted a fake status saying that I was engaged and that everyone was invited and the date was February 30tth. But people were suspecting things so to make it real I definitely wanted to change my relationship status to fall through with it. So even though my boyfriend (and his name is James so I don't have to keep saying boyfriend lol) didn't know yet I just decided to change it anyway...and I was gonna change it by the end of the day. When James got online he was freaked out and wondered what was going on. So I told him what I was trying to do and he figured that was what I was going for, and I told him that I would change it back. He thought it was a nice joke and I did other jokes as well but this one was by far THE BEST I have ever done! lol I love that my boyfriend went along with it too. My best friend Lesley that I text like everyday fell for it too! I changed my signature on my phone to "Engaged!!" and she was asking me what was that all about and I said "isn't it obvious?" and she was like "yea but I was wondering if it was true" and I told her "yep!! ;-)" and she asked me when did I get engaged and I told her last night. She wanted to know what my parents said and I told her that my mom didn't really care but overall they were happy. So then she wanted to know how did he propose and I made up this story and it went a little something like this....me and James were talking and the subject of marriage came up and he asked what if me and him got married? And I told him that it would be nice....and then he asked me to marry him and I said yes!! So she was like "so it wasn't like a proposal with a ring and stuff?" and I said "no but I have a feeling that he will do that the next time we see each other..." Then she said that she bets that I would cry when he actually does it and I told her no I wouldn't because I don't really cry. So then things were dying down and she asked me if I was excited and I told her that I was but she didn't really believe me. And then I told her...."well I really would be if this wasn't an April Fool's trick!!! hahahaha!!" She forgot that it was April Fool's day and with my skills I tricked her good! lol I did pretty good with that, that I decided to trick my caregiver Teila....lol I didn't think that I would get her but I pulled it off really good. I acted all happy and on cloud 9 (as she puts it) and she knew something was up so she asked me what did James do....I told her that he's just sooo great and that I have big news for her. She then saw something and out of the blue she goes "your too young to get married" and I just looked at her like "WHAT?!?" and I told her that I wasn't really young because a lot of people get married young but I knew better not to do it now. I waited til my other caregiver Whitney to come back in the room (because she knew what I was gonna do) and I told them both that I got proposed from James and Teila was shocked but happy at the same time. She asked me if he asked my mom about this and I told her no because he wanted to see how I felt about it first before discusing it with my mom. She still was going for it and then I asked her what she thought about this and she just told me that she was gonna pray about it because she knew my mom was going to flip when she heard this. Then I said that there was need to pray when it was all an April Fool's trick! lol She wanted to get me back sooo bad but couldn't think of nothing so I won the April Fool's day of tricks!! I have never done something oh so big like this and I'm ready for next year's April Fool's because it's already in the works....whatever happens until then will depend on how it goes. I do hope to still be with James by that time so my plan can really work but it depends on how the future goes. I did talk to James tonight and he liked how I had everybody going and of course I'll be changing my relationship status back. I also found out where James stands on the whole marriage thing....and he doesn't expect to get married til 5 years from now. He doesn't want to be like those other teenagers/adults who get married at a young age, and neither do I....so at least we see eye to eye on that. He did see how everyone fell for it since we have been together for almost 8 months now...but still I'd wait a year or two before getting engaged and then get married a couple years later to get things figured out. Who that will be with?? I have no freakin idea and at this point I'm not really worrying about it because I'm just gonna live my life. But I do have an upside to this....my one caregiver Teila said that she could see James proposing to me just out of the blue, because he's different, quiet, and random like that. And I'm not saying that I don't see that either but I just don't know....Well I should head off to bed to get ready for an exciting day at the mall with Whitney....I wish I had either my boyfriend or best friend to go with me because I have more fun with them around! lol so night night for now....

About Me!

Hi my name is... well my full name is Markesha Lanette Jones but everyone calls me Kesha, Ke Ke, Ke$ha, or Kesh. A lot of people tell me that I should just change it to Kesha and I know I will later on in life. lol Well anywhooo....I'm a 19 year old girl born and raised in Fort Wayne, Indiana and graduated from North Side High School. Some may have thought that I wouldn't have made it that far but I proved them wrong!! I have been through sooooo much in my life that I will just talk about in this. So if you get lost just ask then. lol But just to start off simple I was born with Cerebral Palsy and I could walk, use my hands you know do anything anybody else could do. I did have a walker that I would use here and there if I needed to. Even though I could walk and all I ended up getting a wheelchair but it was a manual one. By 3rd grade I finally got a power one to make it a little easier for long distance and I could handle it better. Remind you I could still walk and stuff I just had the wheelchair for the times I got tired of walking or anything. It did come in handy later in the years I guess you can say lol. But to go back to my younger years...when I was 16 months old I had this surgery on the back of my neck because they thought there was a tumor back there but found out that it was just an aneurysm which is where a space (anywhere on your body actually but mine was on the back of my neck) and it's an abnormal widening or ballooning of a portion of an artery due to weakness in the wall of the blood vessal. They took tissue out because as my mom tells me I didn't really crawl or walk when I was supposed to and I was pretty much a quite baby I never really cried. (weird right?? a mom's dream lol) But of course my mom thought it was kinda weird so that's when they found that. Since then I have had surgery on my legs, (front and back) back of both of my feet, and hips. To me it doesn't sound a lot or look a lot but I don't know...and all of these surgeries were to help my walking and have better balance. Then when I was in 2nd grade I was at school and as I was heading out to the bus to go home I got this massive headache and it made me really weak and I couldn't function well. I told the lady that was with me at the time that I didn't think I would make it to the bus and that I needed to see the nurse for some Tylenol but she wouldn't let me go even though I had my head up against the wall because I needed something cold on me. So as I was on the bus I wasn't getting any better the headache got really bad to the point that I was crying and screaming. When the bus driver and their assistant realized it they rushed back there to check me out. They saw that I wouldn't calm down and decided to stop the bus....now here's when things got stupid because they were right in front of a fire station and do you think they went in there and got some help....HELL NO!!! They called disbatch to tell them to call my mom to come get me. By the time my mom got there I was unconscious. My mom rushed me to the hospital and they found that a blood vessal had busted on the right side of my head and it was bleeding out. The doctors did everything they could think of and this is where things get scary....the doctor that treated me came out to my mom and said that there might not be anything else they can do and asked if she wanted to pull the plug (if it came down to that) and she got really mad with that and told him to get back in that room and do EVERYTHING they can possibly do so I was in a coma for a day. I was in the hospital for awhile so they could figure out what was going on and if I would be good to go home. So half of my 2nd grade was spent in the hospital. When I finally got out I was fine and I didn't have any major surgeries til 5th grade....and that's when things took a turn for a worse or best however you wanna look at it. With all the surgeries that I have been through my doctor finally told my mom about this one surgery that could help me. He said the only thing there was to worry about was there was a 5% chance that I could lose all my ability to walk and everything but other then that it could improve my walking and it was in the same area that I had that surgery on the back of my neck and it seemed that in that area not a lot had grew or expanded when it should have so they were gonna put some tissue in to fill the space. Well that happen and being the weird odd child that I am I got that 5 percent chance of losing my ability....We didn't really notice it til later on because I did rehab therapy to see what all I could still do...and this whole time I'm in Indianpolis at Rily's Children Hospital then they moved me to Methadist for the rest of my recovery. This went on for a whole month and then I was able to go home. As I was home I still got therapy to keep working my muscles and to see if I would improve anymore and it pretty much came down to that I wasn't. So they took away the therapy and I was on my own after that and the chair that I had at the time was not something that I could work since I was losing the ability of my hands. So I got a chair that would accomodate with the use I did have and that was from the chest up...so they got me a chair that I could work with my head. And you would think something like that would take some time to get used to but no I was like a pro when I did the trial run. So I went with that and it went like this...I had this thing that looked like a headband that went on my head and on that headband was a little mechanizism with a cord that went to this box on back of my chair and if I wanted to go left, right, back, or forth all I had to do was move my head in that direction. And then there was this button that was velcrowed to my headrest and I pushed it if I ever needed to move the chair because when I didn't use it and it sat for awhile it went in standby. I really liked it to a point...there was times I just wanted to kill it. lol I had that chair up until high school because I was outgrowing it and things were falling apart on it that couldn't be fixed anymore. So then my mom saw this chair that could stand me up in it. We worked really hard to get this chair because none of the companies that were here in Indiana or Fort Wayne alone didn't provide it and the company that I was going through didn't want to help us get one so we were on our own trying to get one. Well after all our hard work I finally got that chair in the begining of freshman year of high school. I really liked it cuz I was tall and could finally stand up to anyone!! hahaha! Everyone was soooo facinated with it too. It was so fun to mess with people when I did stand up. Now you would think a chair like that especially coming from out of state would be better equipt and wouldn't break sooo easily and hold up longer then 2 years. Now chairs are supposed to last up to 5 years tops even with repairs and that chair didn't and I had to hurry up and get a new one because I wasn't safe to be in that one anymore so I had to hold out til I got a new one. My mom worked hard on getting me a chair fast because we pretty much had to do home repairs on the chair since no one wanted to help. We got it to hold out and I finally got a new chair my senior year of high school and this chair was almost like the first one I had but instead of a headband that went on my head it has a sensor in the headrest that whichever way I moved my head it went that way. The only difference is that when I wanted to go forward I had to go back and to go back it was the same way as forward another difference was that if I wanted to go backwards I had to click the button and put it in reverse you know like in a car?? lol I'm still getting used to it and I still don't really like it...out of all the chairs I had I'd say my second one was my favorite in ways though. I liked how I could control it with my chin and it was much easier doing it that way because I could control it which way I wanted to go. The down factor on it was that I hated that the joystick was right in front of chest but I really enjoyed it more. I have been through much with life itself and at this point I'm enjoying it and not stopping myself from stuff that people THINK I can't do! I may not be able to walk or use my hands but there are still things I like to do and can still do by myself. I have broke my leg before and yes a lot of people wonder how the heck do I do something like and I try not to bring it up too much because my mom was the one who did it and she feels bad enough about it. lol But she was doing this one stretch on me and went to far with it and broke my fibula. (which is your thigh) You could hear that thing loud and clear and my mom was moving my leg around and it was very loose so we rushed to the hopital and they checked it out and didn't see anything at first but as I was getting up my mom was putting presure on that area and I felt a sharp pain go through my leg and so they checked that out and saw that the bone was split. So I had a surgery for that and they put a rod in to fix it and I haven't had any problems since then and I haven't had any surgeries since then and the only any other time I have been to the hospital was a few months ago for an pneumonia. (and I've only had that twice counting that time) I don't really like the hospital and hope to never really be in it again. lol I love my family and depend on them to be there for me just like they depend on me too. I never really got along with my mom til sophmore or junior year because I was under a lot of stress and needed to figure out how to handle it. So she's pretty much my hero because she has dealt with soooooo much from me. I do have a boyfriend at the moment and I really do love him....we meet a year ago in U.S Government and he just came from Concordia. When I first saw him I couldn't quit looking at him and there was something about him that I just couldn't quit looking. (and it wasn't just because he was hot lol) I felt liked he kept looking at me too but I don't really know....but then I met his brother in Advanced Algebra and I didn't know they were brothers til a few weeks later. When I first saw his brother he scared the crap out of me and I didn't want anything to do with him. lol I was with someone at the time but me and him were having too many problems. So I was really liking the dude I was crushing. But I didn't know much about him and I was too shy to really talk to him plus he was on the other side of the room. Then finally me and his brother ended up talking even though I was afraid of him and one day I was in class early and both of them came in and I thought they were twins at first and when I talked to his brother in math class he told me that they weren't and I also found out that he had a girlfriend too....I was really sad about that and I keep saying guys like that, that I end up liking always have a girlfriend. lol But that didn't stop me from liking him. I did go out with his brother but I still thought of him and finally one day me and his brother broke up. A few weeks later we were chatting on Facebook and he goes "you know what I just found out something" and I said "what is that??" and he's like "that I love you" and I just sat there staring at the screen and was thinking to myself...."I know he didn't just say that he loved me" and I looked back at the message and was like "OMG HE DID SAY THAT!!!" I about fainted (and yes I know it sounds cheesy but it's true) and of course I was still liking him and I mean I REALLY liked him too because even though I was with his brother before I was still liking him too! This is when some people think I did wrong because I went from one brother to the other but if you have feelings for someone and it hasn't even stopped even if your were with their brother or anyone else I say go for it because I don't want to go through life thinking "WHAT IF???" and life is too short for that. So we didn't tell anyone for a minute and he told his brother first since I did date him and he wanted to see how he would feel about it. I still don't feel like I made a mistake because I feel more things with him then with any other guys I've either liked or dated. He knows a lot about me then any other boyfriend knew. I love him and wouldn't want to trade him for NOBODY!! I feel free, happier then ever, and not smothered like before. He trusts me, (at least I hope he does lol) cares for me, and loves me. I have always pray for someone I can always count on, be there for me, love me like no other, and likes me for me and get pass the wheelchair. Now where do I see us in the future?? I don't really know....I did have a dream of us getting married and I have NEVER EVER dreamt that about any guy I've ever dated or liked so I don't know if that means anything?? But this is life and anything can happen I do want to be with him forever (and not just in a friend way) but I can't always trust things to go that way....I love him dearly and I hope he knows it and know that I wouldn't hurt him because I don't like hurting anyone and I try not to hurt anyone. That's the last thing I ever want to do to anyone. But if he doesn't know that I hope he realizes it. I like where my life is now and don't really want to change it and hope it doesn't change for awhile. I am trying to go to college and right now I'm getting into IPFW and I'm only going there to prove to my mom that I can do things on my own and if I can do that then I can finally go to my dream college which is Ball State University!! I know I'll get there...may not be now but I know I will because my best friend Caitlin is never going to let it go if I don't get there! lol Well I let you into my life and it never ends til I die so if you want to follow along with this crazy life that I live (which there is NEVER a dull moment) then go ahead and don't be afraid to comment or ask questions because I'll answer anything really. lol :)